Bowling with the Special Olympics!

So I just want it on record that The Shell Show extended an invitation for President Obama to appear on our show FIRST, before ANY OTHER TALK SHOW! It all seemed to be coming together until the Secret Service starting doing some research and uncovered some of my felony convictions...all misunderstandings, mind you...as well as a few tenuous connections between this show and certain communist dictators. It's all just politics - I mean, what talk show doesn't have connections to some form of underground shadow government? Martha Stewart Living?? You're living in a fantasy world, comrade. I've seen Ms. Stewart strangle a man to death with piano wire one too many times to believe that malarky. She does make a tasty apple turnover, though, I must give her that.

Anyhoo, Once that ass-hat Leno stole Obama away from us, I figured I might as well invite the Special Olympics bowling team on the show to respond to Obama's insult (which, if he had gone on my show instead, never would have happened. We have a filter in the control room that automatically deletes any mention of the Special Olympics made by sitting presidents. Very sophisticated technology, but necessary back when we used to have Reagan on. That man sure liked to get drunk and rail against the Special Olympics. That and the Freemasons.) But apparently now the Special Olympics is getting all sorts of TV offers and thinks they're too good for The Shell Show. 

Oh really, Special Olympics? Well remember back when you needed money for new uniforms and were begging to appear on The Shell Show to promote a fund drive? And remember how I laughed in your faces and shoved that one kid and told you to keep dreaming, that The Shell Show was only for normals? Well...I don't need you anyway! I've got some news that will knock you off your special high-horse, Special Olympics. That's right, I've booked the Average Olympics! Next week a team of guys named Steve will be visiting the show to wow us with their Sudoku skillz and mediocre ping-pong playing.  Suck it.

Who's special now.