Reality or something like it...

I hate reliaty TV "stars." Hate 'em. Whenever I'm driving down the street and I see one being followed by a camera crew as they go to the grocery store or the hat shop or the STD clinic, I always go out of my way to try and run them over. So far I've been unsuccsseful, having only managed to mangle a few camera guys who got in the way. I need a heavier car. 

Anyway, my bookers have been trying to get me to agree to interview some of these reality TV jerks for the past few months. Apparently A-list talent is becoming harder to book for my show, seeing as most of them end up getting shot in the face whenever they visit. Z-list is still my bread and butter, mind you, but it is nice to have a Tom Cruise on every once in a while, strap him into a lie detector machine, turn on some gay porn and let the comedy write itself. But like I said, this is becoming increasingly more rare. 

You might think I would love to have reality TV stars on my show, as I could then shoot them in the face and have some type of excuse - or at least get some ratings out of it. And you would have a point. But let me tell you a story. 

Remember that person who won the 3rd seaon of Survivor? No? Neither do I, actually. I was pretty sure I had a story to tell but it turns out reality TV stars are so unmemorable that they basically wipe my memory. And I have a vague recollection of someone getting shot in the face, too. Hmm.

Well there you go, there's my reasoning. I can't have anyone on the show that will prove to be so unmemorable that my memory will be wiped. I need my memory. It's where I keep all my porn site passwords. 

So if you want to be on my show, here's a simple rule: don't go on a reality show. Do something else - marry a bear, rob a Dunkin' Donuts, steal a famous corpse. But don't go on a reality show. That's really scraping the bottom of the barrel.